Unwilling to give up my morning coffee stop at Sheetz, I have been cleverly carrying a small tupperware container of soy coffee cream with me in my purse. This Monday morning, I got my coffee as usual, but when I tried to open it in the car, the damn tupperware lid was vacuumed shut. I tried opening it from all different angles and started to get flustered because the clock was ticking and I was already running late. In a moment of desperation, I tugged at the lid with all my might and the entire contents flew all over my jacket, my pants...soaking through to my underwear. As I began hysterically screaming "why me" like Nancy Kerrigan circa 1994, I caught a glimse at myself in the rearview mirror. I had soy creamer stuck on my eyebrows. That was my low. I was really glad I thought ahead to bring enough for my afternoon coffee as well. Sitting in my wet seat all the way to school where I teach, I had a developed quite a mean, urine looking stain and soy swamp ass. As I walked through the crowded eighth grade hallway with no cover since my jacket was soaking wet, I couldn't help but think how this could have been avoided if I drank normal cream.